Dreams, those things our brain does to us as we are sleeping, a place where we are anything and everything
Illusions, Trickery...something that we think we saw, that our brain processes that we saw and we never really saw it because what we thought it was isn't what it is.
Reality...Reality sucks!!!! It has been a month since we split up, and in that time, I have attempted to reinvent myself, granted, it is only a haircut and a new piercing, but I am still working on attitude modification. I fake happy really well, at least I think so anyway. Some days I am ready to give up, others I flat refuse to give up. Most days I don't even want to get out of bed. How do you tell someone that you love them more than anything on this earth? When they don't want to and refuse to hear it from you? Say it? Text it? Post it? or just keep it and hope they see it? I feel like everything is spinning out of control. I'm not even getting excited about Christmas and New Years, this could be because we spent them together. For example, if we were still together, I would be packed and ready to leave here Christmas night and be with her until the 28th. I would come back, work 2 days and leave after work on the 30th to be there for New Years. Now, I am going to be laying bed hiding under my Star wars Yoda blanket (go ahead, laugh cause I have a stuffed Darth Vader with a santa hat from Books A Million too) crying my eyes out because where I want to be I cannot be. New Years, I will go out and get boldly trashed and cry myself to sleep...some times I hate what I did in the past....
I gotta say my Star Wars sheets and a good Clone story feels great sometimes, but we also need to connect with those around us that do love us and want to be there for us. I know you are feeling lonely and that sucks anytime let alone this time of year, but hey, the New Year is coming. My mother always reminds me that life is what happens while we are busy feeling sorry for ourselves. Life isn't go to stop for us and we have got to keep on going. If she is meant to be yours she will come around to seeing that. If not, honey, you have got to move on. You can do it, keep hope and believe that there is a method to the madness of life. Happy *bla* Season... :P
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